Has it been a while or what?
It’s been over 2 years since I last posted to this site. Considering that it’s called “Janee in Europe” and I haven’t been to Europe in 2 years, this makes perfect sense. Why then did I decide to post now, you ask? Because I am going back to Europe, silly! Before I tell you what my plans are, let me go back to the very beginning and explain to you what brought me to my current situation.
The year: 2014. I’ve graduated from college and have a full time job. My boyfriend and I took a ~3-week tour of Europe riding the rails and staying in shady European hostels* and upon return to the states, promptly began our adult lives as full time employees.
I was in Charlotte, NC and Tyler was in Tampa, FL. I had mixed feelings about my job soon after starting. I was working for a large consumer goods company and was not entirely satisfied with the type of work I was doing. I quickly fell into a cycle of wake up, go to work, come home, sometimes go for a run or a walk, cook dinner, watch TV, sleep, repeat. I had a good handle on what it was like to work a full time job from my college co-op. The thing that I didn’t anticipate having an effect on me was how painfully indefinite this situation was. In college, with my co-op, I’d work for 3 months, go to school for a few months and repeat. There were chunks of different types of focus. I could switch from being student to worker and back again without issue, starting fresh and resetting at a higher level each time. The lack of change in my new lifestyle in Charlotte was daunting. How was I supposed to measure my professional growth if not in 3-month assignments? More importantly, when was I supposed to reset?? It was scary and it made me feel condemned to a really boring, exhausting and meaningless life.
There were of course, some satisfying moments that reminded me that I truly was living and living very well: when Jasmine and I moved into our very cool and hip townhouse in the convenient 4th Ward neighborhood in Charlotte. The fun nights out with friends and forming great friendships. When Tyler moved to Charlotte and we moved into our beautiful apartment and started our life together. When we adopted the world’s greatest puppy. When the 3 of us would go for a hike and Tyler and I would be impressed by baby Watson’s endurance.
The past 2 years are sprinkled with incredible, absolutely amazing memories that I will always cherish, but unfortunately, that nagging feeling of “ugh, this is so routine, can we change something please?” always set back in. Am I ungrateful? Is it okay or even possible to be fully aware of all your blessings and still feel something missing? Maybe something really is missing despite all my good fortune in life. I can’t answer these questions today but I did know one thing for sure. After falling asleep on the couch every night for what felt like 3 consecutive months- I needed to jump start my heart, my soul, and really, my life.
I wish having that realization was enough for me to get my act together and figure out exactly what my next best move was, but it has been a process and I have been stumbling through it like a diapered toddler. I knew my job was a significant factor in my dissatisfaction with life, but I spent over a year browsing job boards regularly and applying for jobs that I only had lukewarm ambitions of pursuing. I spent a few weeks doing some really in-depth job searching and applying, but nothing genuinely interested me professionally to the point that I felt 100% committed to diving in. So the career search was not going well. I kept it up, but didn’t have very high hopes. I don’t even know what I want, only what I don’t want. I decided to do some introspective exploration and figure out what it was that I want to accomplish in my life- professionally and personally. I wrote my bucket list on a junk mail envelope and it disappeared – most likely tossed out with the trash – not even a week later. I was pretty bummed when I realized it was gone, but I did remember a few list items. I consider the ones I don’t need a physical printed list to remember to be my true bucket list items. A few of them were: learn a martial art, become fluent in Spanish, and live abroad.
Fantastic, I could just sign up for a martial arts class and call it a day! Surely, introducing a mental/physical/spiritual practice into my life would improve my outlook. So I found myself a gym with good reviews and a special trial deal and got myself revved up to become a tae kwon do student. I was so excited to challenge myself in a new way and experience the growth that I knew a martial art would inspire in multiple ways. The first day I walked into the gym, I was shocked to see I was one of 2 adults. The rest of my classmates ranged from (and I’m just guessing here) probably 7 to 14 years in age. I didn’t know how to feel or what to think when we started the class by turning to the parents and bowing, asking if we had their permission to begin our practice. I just did it and tried to keep an open mind. I was so thankful there was one other adult in the class. I spoke to him afterwards and asked how he felt about working out with a bunch of kids. He said it was weird at first, but he focused on his own practice and didn’t worry about who else was in the room. It was very commendable and I have mad respect for that guy, but frankly, it just wasn’t for me. I attended my second class a week later since I had purchased a 3-class trial and wanted to get my money’s worth. I never did attend that third class though.
So moving on from that attempt at self-fulfillment…
Martial Arts is going to have to happen later. Finding a job I love is very likely going to have to come with time. In examining the remaining items on my bucket list, there were two that excited me to my core and felt long overdue given my domestic dilemma. It was time to go somewhere and finish learning Spanish. I took 5 years of Spanish classes growing up, attended some conversation groups in Charlotte, and I was doing alright with Duolingo. I am at a semi-comfortable level of understanding and speaking the language, but I know I want more. So how?
I found several websites that offered different ways to get abroad and get access to free room and board or menial pay. I ended up making an account on a website called workaway.info and was thrilled by the opportunities that existed all over the world. Several families reached out to me and I reached out to several families until I found what looked like an excellent fit in Madrid. We emailed, we Skyped, I spoke with one of their former guests, and we decided that we were happy with each other. So I will be living with this family in Madrid for 3 months. In exchange for room and board, I will spend weekday evenings with their young daughters to keep their English skills strong. I will spend my days taking Spanish classes and hopefully frolicking about the city gabbing with the locals in their native tongue until I reach a comfort level comparable to that of my English skills (is this an unattainable goal? We shall find out – but shoot for the stars land on a cloud, right? Is that how that saying goes?)
I will travel around the country and maybe take some international trips on the weekends. I will eat, I will drink, I will be merry. (And to those who are concerned, yes I will be safe and be very careful as well). When I first hashed out these plans, I was beyond excited not just because of the opportunity, but because I was genuinely very excited about my plans. What I’m trying to say is, I was excited to be excited. I am still excited but at the same time tired of talking about how excited I am at this point. I’m just ready. Fortunately, the wait is almost over because as I type these words, I am sitting on an overnight flight to Madrid! By the time I post this, I will be in Madrid, and so I apologize for the delayed sharing of news if you haven’t gotten the memo re: me leaving the country. I hope no one will need me in person before Christmas time. I am very fortunate to have a family that supports my dreams (even though I know they’d prefer I chased them in a different, safer way) and is doing me the huge favor of taking care of Watson while I’m gone. I am very fortunate that Tyler is so supportive and understanding of my needing to go do this thing for me alone.
And so, that is my story. As of yet, I can only speculate what my time in Madrid will be like, but as my closest friends know, I am not a big fan of speculation when it comes to travel. Stop talking about it and just go! And so, here I go!
I will try to continue writing, but no promises!
Janee